Darwin Awards

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Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the

 Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among

 us.

 Here is the glorious winner:

 1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his

 intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California

 would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only

 inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the

 trigger again. This time it worked.

 And now, the honorable mentions:

 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a

 meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around,

 submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company

 expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look

 for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.

 The chef's claim was approved.

 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for

 his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his

 vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably,

 he shot her.

 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a

 Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he

 was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had

 escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver

 went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there

 a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental

 hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very

 excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception

 wasn't discovered for 3 days.

 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from

 serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When

 asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that

 he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head

 to a moving train before he was hit.

 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill

 on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened

 the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the

 cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The

 man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20

 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from

 the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives

 you money, is a crime committed?]

 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He

 decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a

 liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted

 the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.

 T he cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on

 the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window

 was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on

 videotape.

 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store,

 a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911

 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed

 description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police

 apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove

 back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car

 and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he

 replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the

 lady I stole the purse from."

 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man

 walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M.,

 flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down

 because he said he couldn't open the cash register

 without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the

 clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The

 man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD

 WINNER]

 10. When a man 20 attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor

 home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he

 bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very

 sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage.

 A police spokesman said that the man admitted to steal

 gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor

 home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle

 declined to press charges saying, that it was the best laugh

 he'd ever had.

 

 In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these

 with friends and family...unless of course one of these

 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost

 friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they

 remain lost.

 

 *** Remember... They walk among us!!!